Honest Summaries
by Nigel the Octopus
Summary: After being in the Digiworld for a few hours, Tai decides that he needs to summarize their day. And nothing, not even imminent death, is going to stop him. Based on the dub having the characters give a summary of the previous episode.
1. And So it Begins

"So this morning we were all at summer camp and then it started snowing and we found these weird thingies and then we-"

"Tai, what are you doing? We're falling to our deaths!" Sora interrupted. Tai was spreading his arms and legs as far apart as he could and shouting at a random patch of sky. He turned his head towards Sora, who was falling next to him.

"Um, I'm recapping our day. Where was I? Oh yeah! And then we got sent to this random place and met-"

"Why?" Sora again. Didn't she know that this was important?

"You know, just in case any of us decide to write a book about this or something. Now stop interrupting me!"

"Why would any of us write a book about this? How do you know we'll live long enough?" Matt shouted as he fell in an equally awkward position.

"Shut up, Matt! Wait until I'm done recapping to be realistic! Now, as I was saying, we met these creatures called Digimon with names that are really hard to remember, so I'm probably going to forget all of those, and were attacked by a giant red bug! We all ran away like our lives depended on it-"

"They kinda did, Tai." Matt interrupted. Again.

"Stop interrupting me! We got to this really big scary looking cliff and just when we thought we'd lost it, the bug flew up and attacked us! This weird light started glowing and all the Digimon got bigger. They beat the crap out of the bug, but then it broke the cliff and now we're falling! Talk about your cliff hangers!"

"Tai, that wasn't even a good pun. Shame on you!" Izzy said.

"We're falling to our deaths and this is all you people can think about?!" Joe shouted.

And then they hit the water.

* * *

**Author's Note: I got this idea after actually not skipping the recaps at the beginning of the episodes for once. They lie. This story is what I'm pretty sure they'd be saying instead of whatever crap the dub thought counted as a recap.**


	2. The Birth of Greymon

The Digidestined were all celebrating being alive. The record was now two hours. So far, so good. Tai stood up and stared out over the ocean.

"Since my recap of today went so good earlier, I decided to do it again!"

"Again?" TK complained, "Can't we just go do something?"

"But more things happened that we need to know for posterity!"

"I'm surprised you even know the word 'posterity'," Izzy said.

"Shut up! After we hit the water, um, Sealmon-"

"His name's Gomamon!" Joe protested.

"Whatever. _Gomamon _saved us or something. We were on this awesome boat made out of fish and they were all different colors! There were red fish, blue fish, green fish, pink fish, yellow fish-"

"I think we get it, Tai." Sora interrupted.

"Shut up! What if you're telling someone about what happened here and they want to know what color the fish were and _you don't know?_"

"I think that if I'm telling someone about this they won't give a crap what color the fish were," Joe muttered.

Matt covered TK's ears with his hands. "Joe! Watch your language! There are children here!"

"We're all children, Matt," Tai said. "But seriously Joe, you shouldn't say words like that. If my little sister was here I'd have to kill you. Now anyways, as I was saying..."

Tai could hear Joe and Matt having an argument about whether it was okay to kill someone for using the word 'crap'. As much as he liked Matt taking his side for once, he was going to have to block it out and finish his recap.

"The fish let us off on a random beach filled with telephone booths. I called out for pizza while everyone else tried to call home, but none of our calls went through, so I didn't get my pizza. We found out that TK had been holding out on us at camp since he opened up his backpack and it was filled with candy!"

"I said I would share! Can we go now?" TK pleaded.

"Not until I'm done! But you can 'stand guard' and 'protect us'."

"I won't let you down, Tai! C'mon Patamon!" TK and Patamon ran over to the edge of the forest and proceeded to watch for other Digimon.

"Sora, Mimi, and Joe had random stuff that'll probably be useful eventually. While we were trying to divvy up the food, me and Agumon got hungry. We ate a bunch of the food which made the others get mad for some reason. Then this giant pink thing in a shell that I'm gonna name Shellmon attacked. Our Digimon tried attacking but were too tired except for Agumon! He's awesome! Shellmon blasted us all with water and we got wet again. I don't like being wet, it's not that fun. I thought that if our Digimon can fight, so can I so I hit Shellmon with a pipe. It didn't work! Then Agumon went all glowy again and got really, really big! He fought off Shellmon and now we're standing here!" Tai finished before anyone else could interrupt him. "Dudes, this place is wild!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and shook their heads at Tai.

"I'm the leader!" Tai helpfully reminded them. Before he could say anything else, Matt, Sora, Joe, and Izzy gave him a quadruple death glare. "And now I'm running for my life! Wheee!"

"Get back here, Tai!"

"Who died and made you king?"

"I don't like running..."

"C'mon, Izzy, we can still get him!"

"Oh, are we leaving now?" Mimi asked. "Wait for meeeeee!"


	3. Garurumon

Tai opened up his mouth to start summarizing their day, but was cut off before he could get a single word out.

"Well I guess it's my turn to fill you guys in," Matt said, waking everyone else up. What a jerk!

"Um, Matt? What are you doing?" Tai was ticked. How dare Matt want to give the recap today! Didn't he know that was Tai's thing?

"Oh no Matt, not you too!" Joe said. "Who are you even filling in? We were all there!"

"I did the most today, I'm recapping. And you guys were all alseep for like ten minutes." Matt countered. "We walked right into a fight between these rhinosaurs-"

"WAS THAT A PUN?!" Tai was outraged. Now Matt was stealing his comedic gold! Unacceptable. "I won't let you!"

"I don't need your permission. Thankfully, they didn't attack us like everything else that we've seen so far." Matt was even doing a better job ignoring all the interruptions than Tai had been! He had gone too far...

"Agumon hasn't attacked us."

"Yet."

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!"

"Nothing. We found an abandoned streetcar by a lake filled with telephone poles and wires. TK asked me if he could go swimming and I said no."

"Can I go swimming now?" TK pleaded.

"NO! It's dangerous! You'll get electrocuted and die!"

"Aw..."

"After that, I sent Gabumon to go sleep by TK to keep him warm, um, I mean because he was making me too hot. I couldn't sleep so I went to go play my harmonica."

"That was you? You woke me up!" Mimi complained. "I need my beauty sleep! Ten hours at the least!"

"Sorry Mimi. Tai was standing guard and I didn't want to talk to him. Then a giant sea dragon came up out of the water and started pulling the island, but only the part with the streetcar. Being awesome, I decided to try and outswim it. It didn't work."

"No, really? I really thought you could swim faster than a _giant sea dragon._ I'm surprised you didn't try punching it in the face," Izzy droned.

"It had a helmet, of course punching it wouldn't work. But thanks for believing in my swimming skills!" Matt replied, completely missing the sarcasm. "Then since Agumon apparently forgot how to get bigger, Gabumon got bigger and saved me from drowning! Thanks, Gabumon!"

"Don't mention it."

"Hey! Agumon was just tired out from earlier!" Tai killed the mood.

"Can I go back to sleep now?" Mimi asked.

"NO!" Tai and Matt shouted in unison.

"Then he beat up the sea dragon and TK told me I was awesome!"

"You are awesome! But you'd be even awesomer if you'd let me go swimming!" TK said.

"No means no, TK! Then I played my harmonica some more and here we are!" Matt looked pretty proud of himself. Hmph. Tai thought his summary was stupid.

"That summary sucked! All you did was argue with TK!" Tai complained.

"Somebody sounds jealous!" Sora teased. Sure, _now_ she was talking. Why couldn't she have interrupted Matt, like she always interrupted Tai?

"WHY DO YOU LOVE MATT MORE THAN ME?!" Tai moaned. Nobody said anything for a while. Sora was awkwardly staring at the ground and Matt was glaring at Tai.

"Yeah...I'm just going to go to sleep now. Wake me up when you guys figure out this dumb love triangle!" Joe said.

"No, Joe! You can't go to sleep yet!" Tai exclaimed. "Wait... did he just say love triangle?"

"What's a love trianlge?" TK asked. And _then _it got awkward.


	4. Biyomon gets Firepower

"I'm going to give the summary today!"

"No, I am!"

Tai and Matt had been arguing for at least an hour. Sora really wanted them to shut up.

"C'mon, let me let me let me let me!" Tai begged. He was getting more annoying by the second.

"No! So after we -" Matt was starting to give the summary, and Tai didn't like that at all.

"LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" he interrupted loudly. He and Matt proceeded to get into a sissy fight.

"Real mature, guys. I'm giving the summary today just to get you two to stop fighting!" Sora yelled over the incredibly loud fight. "Just when we had finished crossing an uncrossable desert..."

"Um, if we crossed it, wouldn't that make it a crossable desert?" Joe asked as he watched the sissy fight. Things were getting pretty serious. Matt had taken off one of his gloves and was slapping Tai in the face with it. Matt looked at Sora.

"Hey, I was going to give that summary..." Matt complained, slapping Tai in the ear.

"Ow!"

"Well, you're too late. Just when we had finished crossing a huge desert," Sora said, glaring at Joe, "we found a village filled with thousands of Yokomon."

"There were not thousands!" Tai shouted in between slaps, "There were only 93!"

"You counted?" Sora asked, confused.

"They kept asking me annoying questions and I got bored during the fight," he replied.

"So during the fight with Meramon, you were counting Yokomon?" Sora was really ticked off at Tai now. He hadn't even been trying to help!

"Maybe..." Tai guiltily admitted.

"Well, Meramon showed up and attacked the village because he had a huge black gear lodged in his back."

"That's why he was attacking? I thought he was just having some growing pains," Matt said. For the moment, the fight seemed to have been forgotten.

"That joke wasn't funny the first time, Matt," Sora sighed.

"What joke?"

"Never mind. We tried to shove all of the Yokomon in the ship sticking out of the ground, but there were too many of them and Meramon was closing in fast."

"I still think we should've had all the Yokomon get bigger so we could've had an army of Biyomon!" Tai grumbled. He had manged to get away from Matt and was now hiding behind Agumon.

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way. And it's called 'digivolving'."

"How do you know?"

"Biyomon told me. And all the Digimon shout out 'Whatevermon_ digivolve to...',_" Sora replied. Tai went to go sulk in a corner. Even though there weren't any, so he ended up just standing behind Izzy.

"I was wondering why they did that..." Izzy said.

"Anyway, Biyomon was standing up on a cliff, waiting for all the Yokomon to get to safety, when suddenly Meramon attacked her! She fell off the cliff and I caught her. Then she digivolved into Birdramon and saved us. Yay Birdramon!" Sora finished. She looked around and saw that Tai was still sulking and Matt was staring at her.

"What are you looking at?" she challenged.

"Um, nothing!" Matt quickly looked at his feet.

"You were staring at me!"

"No! I would never do anything like that!"

"You've been staring at her ever since Tai went all sulky." TK pointed out. Matt glared at his little brother and prepared to get slapped in the face. To his surprise, the slap never came. Instead, he was kicked in both shins. Sora then went to sulk in a corner, but she noticed that there weren't any corners too, so she just stormed off in the opposite direction from Matt.

"Oooow." Matt groaned. He was curled up on the ground, holding his shins.

"You kinda deserved that," Joe said. "Maybe you should go apologize to her."

"Me? Apologize to her? She's the one who attacked me!"

"You were staring at her. A lot. Go apologize."

"I don't want to apologize!"

Joe dragged Matt's protesting body over to where Sora was sulking. "Apologize. Now."

Matt groaned again. Who knew that Joe could drag him that far? "Um, I'm sorry I was such a creep and kept staring at you." he mumbled incoherently.

"Hmph. Should I forgive him, Biyomon?" Sora asked her partner, who had come over by her to see if she was okay.

"What did he do?"

"He," Sora began, pausing for dramatic effect, "was staring at me." Joe noticed that she was trying not to laugh, but Matt was too busy worrying about getting the crap beaten out of him to tell. That figured.

Biyomon seemed puzzled. "Is that bad? I mean, how long was he staring? What does humon ettiquette say about this?"

Izzy, annoyed by both the conversation taking place right in front of him (did Sora _have _to go sulk by him?) and Tai hiding behind him, decided to contribute. "In some cultures it is punishable by death."

Tai let out a small squeak and left to go annoy Mimi. "Um, okay, but this isn't one of them," Matt replied nervously.

"I guess you should forgive him then," Biyomon said as if Matt wasn't even there. "He sounded quite sincere."

"All right, I forgive you, Matt, but don't do it again. Or else." Of course, it wasn't very threatening since she was smiling, but Matt breathed a sigh of relief anyways. Hastily mumbling a thank you, he ran off to make sure TK hadn't fallen off a cliff or forgotten how to breathe or something.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews! Don't expect me to update this too much, I only write when I get bored.**


	5. Kabuterimon's Electro Shocker

The children were wandering aimlessly through a sewer. It was really nasty down there and Tai's shoes were soaked with water. He was not happy about this.

"Stupid shoes, not being waterproof. Stupid water, getting in my stupid shoes." he grumbled as he splashed through the easiest to dodge puddle of all time. Everybody else had succeeded in avoiding the puddle, sorry, all of the water. Tai didn't seem to understand that stomping in every single pool of water they came to would make his shoes get all soggy and gross.

"Andromon sucks at giving directions. All he said was 'follow the underground waterway to the labyrinth'." Sora stated. They had finally reached a fork. One side filled with more water and the other...filled with more water. Great.

"Labyrinth? We're going to die down here, aren't we?" Joe lamented.

"If we're going to die down here then I need to quick give the summary first!" Tai put in.

"No." Izzy said.

"What'd'ya mean, no?" Tai

"It took you well over five minutes, not counting all the interruptions, last time. Summaries take way too long."

"You were timing me?" Tai was confused. The only time he actually got to recap their day they'd all been falling off that one cliff. No way that took over five minutes.

"It was a rather large cliff," Izzy said nonchalantly, creeping Tai out. Was the squirt a mind reader or something? "If we were falling at a velocity of ten feet per second and the cliff was at least three thousand feet high, then-"

"Ow! Ow! Stop it, you're making my brain hurt!"

"Fine, but only because I don't know what happened today and I want to find out."

"Anyone else have any comments before I actually start?" Tai asked. Nobody said anything so he started staring at a random patch of wall and started.

"After whatever Sora ended on, we found this really epic tree! It was extreme! So we all sat underneath the tree and Izzy took out his laptop. I started whacking it and he flipped out at me. Then Sora insulted my awesome haircut,"

"Get to the point, Tai." Matt. Why was he saying anything? Tai had already given everyone a chance to interrupt him, and no one took him up on his offer, so what gives?

"And FYI, Sora didn't insult your hair, she insulted your intelligence," Joe corrected.

"Shut up! I already gave you guys a chance to interrupt! Now, where was I?"

"Nobody wanted to interrupt you before you even started talking," TK piped up. At least he had the decency to explain himself.

"I saw some random smoke and thought to myself 'where there's smoke, there's telephones!' so then-"

"That didn't even make any sense!" TK again.

"It didn't need to, it's just what went through my head, ok?"

"No, I have to agree with him here. That made no freaking sense. We already found telephones and there was no smoke. At all." Izzy was the one who wanted the summary in the first place, so why did he need to interrupt Tai too?

"Shut up and let me talk! We all decided to go over and check it out."

Matt smirked. "Actually, you ran over and we all followed you because we thought you'd get lost or something."

"Ignoring that. It was a huge factory! There were buildings, and metal stuff, and smoke! I ditched the others with Sora and Joe and found Andromon. Andromon looks like an android. If you don't know what an android is, that's okay, neither do I. I only used the word because Joe said that Andromon looked like one. I'm pretty sure it's something sorta like a balloon."

"Not even close, Tai. An android is-" Izzy began before Tai cut him off. Ha!

"Don't care. He was asleep or something so I wanted to hit him over the head to wake him up. Sora and Joe thought that was a bad idea and were trying to stop me for some reason. Luckily, Agumon gave him a good hard whack for me."

"LUCKILY?" Sora and Joe shrieked in unison, abruptly stopping.

"Fine. Agumon woke him up, happy? So we stood there and hoped that he wouldn't be mad about the whole hitting him thing. He got really angry and started blasting the walls like BAM! BAM! BAM! We ran away and found everybody else. Andromon attacked TK and Garurumon happened. TK was saved but we almost died from the blast."

"No we didn't. It missed us by ten feet." Matt was getting defensive for some reason. Huh. Tai didn't really care though, so he continued.

"You remember it your way, I remember it my way. Greymon happened and they were fighting Andromon! It was extreme! Greymon and Garurumon were all like RAWR! Then Kabutarimon showed up for some reason and blasted the black gear." Tai finished his summary before anyone could say anything. He then started walking down the fork on the right, 'cause it was the right choice. Why had it taken so long for them to choose it? He continued along, splashing in the puddles and cursing his low-quality shoes. The group gave a collective sigh and followed. It was really peaceful for a few minutes, but stupid Matt ruined it by coughing. Who just does that?

"Matt, stop coughing! You're killing the mood!" Matt kept coughing. The only thing that had changed was now he was glaring at Tai. "Don't you know coughing is bad for your health?" Heh heh heh. Good one, Tai.

"Okay, first, that's not true. Second, your summary sucked," Izzy commented. What a jerk.

"Nuh uh! My summary was extreme! And if coughing isn't bad for your health, why do only sick people cough?"

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response." Joe responded.

"So, assuming all that stuff you said was somewhat true, you dragged Sora and Joe off to do something idiotic and pointless while I was charging my laptop. _And _you managed to almost get someone killed. All Matt, TK, and Mimi were doing was being ditched by you, but no, you had to go put them in danger!"

Tai looked suitably chastised, for once. "Huh. I guess I didn't think of it that way."

"Oh," Izzy remarked offhandedly, "I also may have accidentally hacked the Digital World, so if anything is more screwed up than usual, I apologize."

As the others stood there and gaped, Izzy continued on, unaware that he'd said anything surprising.

**AN: I didn't really feel like writing this, but then I remembered I'm supposed to be writing a paper. This is more fun. Procrastination ftw!**


	6. Togemon in Toy Town

The Digidestined were floating around in Monzaemon's heart shaped bubbles, not thinking about how or when they would land. "Soo... What just happened here?" Matt asked.

"I _got_ this one!" Tai shouted, "Um, um, so we were in this sewer singing _awesomely-"_

"No," Mimi said, turning up her nose at him.

"What'd'ya mean, no? I'm great at singing!"

"I mean, you didn't even do anything today. Let me give the summary. Also, you're a terrible singer."

"No I'm not! Listen!" Tai proceeded to sing a horribly off key song he didn't know the words to. Everybody clapped their hands to their ears to try and block out the mangled gibberish.

"Shut up! My ears are bleeding!" Sora yelled over the song.

"Nanala! La la la la la la, la la laaaaaa la... Show me your brave HEART!" he continued to sing. All of the bubbles popped and everyone fell. Tai kept singing along to the instrumentals. Matt tackled him to the ground.

"Let Mimi give the summary or I'll mess up your hair." Matt growled. That got Tai to be quiet. His hands shot to his hair to shield it from Matt's wrath. "Ok Mimi, go ahead."

"Thanks Matt! We were singing in a sewer and then we all started reminising about home. A huge group of scary, smelly, slimy, sludge-throwing slugs started chasing us! It was like totally scary! TK found a way out of the sewer and the Numemon didn't follow us for some reason. We walked around for a little bit and then we saw like 50 vending machines! I was thirsty so I wanted to buy a Coke, but Tai said 'Don't do that, it's stupid!' and I ignored him, as usual! I put my money in the machine and a Numemon came out! Then he hit on me and a giant army of Numemon chased us again! But the worst part was the vending machine didn't give me my money back!"

"Um, Mimi, impending death?" Izzy reminded her. "Little bit more important."

"Oh, right. Matt told us to split up and I actually listened to him because he's not a jerk like Tai."

"Hey!"

"You know, it's true," Joe muttered so Tai wouldn't hear him.

"Then me and Palmon were running, and Monzaemon showed up right in front of us so the Numemon ran away. Palmon lied and said he wouldn't attack us even though his eyes were all glowy and he kept telling us to come to Toy Town with him. We ran away and hid with some Numemon, one of them hit on me, which was _so _gross and I can't believe the nerve of him and no matter what I said he just kept following me! It was uber creepy."

Izzy felt the need to interrupt again. "You mean 'über', right?"

"That's what I said! Anyways, we went to Toy Town to see what was going on. You guys were all running around shouting about how much fun you were having while toys were chasing you and trying to kill you. Then we found a toy chest with all of your Digimon in it."

"I still don't see why you didn't just let us out," Tentomon complained. "It was very crowded in-" Gabumon gave a warning shake of his head. He didn't feel like explaining himself to _everyone._

Mimi looked confused, but continued, "Gabumon told Palmon to defeat Monzaemon and save everyone so we left and found him on a random street. He was holding a lot of balloons, and I mean a lot of balloons. There were blue ones, and like, I dunno, 99 red ones, and pink ones, and green ones, and there were a lot! He let aaaall of the balloons float away and started attacking us again!"

"I can't believe I have to say this again, but who gives a... darn? about what color the balloons were?" Joe glanced somewhat fearfully at Matt. Fortunately, Matt was too busy keeping Tai quiet to comment on his "bad language".

"Hmph. You know, _Sora _hasn't interrupted me yet. Some Numemon showed up out of nowhere and tried to save us, but it didn't work. Monzaemon attacked them all with his bubbley attack thing and then Palmon got ticked and Digivolved! Prob'ly 'cause our collective respect for them increased by, like, two percent. Then Togemon punched Monzaemon and he punched her and she punched him and it was awful! Luckily she shot a bunch of needles at him and the black gear fell out of his back. Then we all talked to him and blah blah blah Tai sang horribly and tried to steal my summary! Well ha! I finished!"

Tai finally spoke up. "That's not what happened at all! You left out the part where um, uh..." He couldn't think of anything.

"She didn't leave anything out, she did a better job than you do," Sora defended her.

"No! I am the king of recaps! What about when I said what color the fish were? That was vital stuff! And she stole it! Plagiarism! PLAGIARISM!" Matt tried to give him a noogie, but Tai's epic hair-defending skills blocked it.

"Like I said, nobody cares what color the fish are. It doesn't matter. It never will." Joe ranted.

"Nonsense! What if someone makes an anime about this someday? I bet _they'd_ want to know what color all of the fish were."

"If anyone made an anime about this, they'd change so many things that it wouldn't matter what color the fish are," Sora commented.

"But the fish would be one of the only things that they got right, so HA!" he said as he kept deflecting Matt's attacks on his hair.

"This is my only line!" TK shouted proudly. Everyone stared at him.

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry for taking so long to update this, I blame my sister. She was taking too long to update her fic and she told me that she was going to force me to watch this episode with her once she updated. I hate this episode. It's boring, Mimi's voice annoys me, and it's less funny than Etemon. Also, the entire first half... just no. No.**


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